What's your excuse? I can answer that. How much time do you have?

retrieved from: https://www.facebook.com/MariaMKang

 

If I have time to blog about my excuses, I have time to exercise and eat right. So why don't I? I'm sure we all have our reasons/excuses. Believe me, I daydream of what I would look like and how I would feel if I wasn't the way I am today. I'll even admit that there are days when I pull a self-righteous big girl confidence and "accept" myself for who I am, but that fades because it's a huge burden.

Maria Kang lives in a city where I used to live so whenever I see her workouts with other mom's I recognize the location. It makes me think of how I could have had the opportunity to do the same then as I've wanted to do for so many years. I actually enjoy exercising. I love the way I feel when I've accomplished that movement and my body feels rejuvenated. I used to play tennis and I used to jog. Now I'm so overweight I feel like it would be so embarrassing if I went out there and even tried jogging... not that me jogging would go very far because I'm out of shape.

I've heard that it takes 21 days to really change a bad habit. Well, I've had this habit of eating my feelings for about twenty years so it seems a big overwhelming to even change it for more than a day let alone 21 of them. I think my mentality is I've seen myself successful and go back to my bad habits. I don't want take a magical pill and make it just go away... I want to work for it and change my lifestyle. I want the full support of my husband and my kiddo without them leading me into temptation and to fight me with fire if I even begin to break. Addiction is not easy to overcome and there are some people who never do overcome it. Life is too short to even have that mindset. So what is my excuse?

I wouldn't call it an excuse. It's my insecurities. Yes, I'm human and have insecurities. I can be the most inspirational cheerleader for anyone out there, but for me to be selfish and focus on my own health makes me cringe. I lose faith in myself quickly. I suppose another outlook is that I've been this way for so long that I am unsure of who I am without it. I mean, I know I am a mom and a wife, etc. But who am I when I have energy and more time spent not vegging on the couch. I think people with addiction find focus on something to replace what it is that weighs them down. I don't foresee anything that does that for me right now.

This is an everyday struggle for me. I recognize the opportunity, but I'm too chicken to take it on. I wish someone would kick the fear right out of me because I know I am capable of doing this. I don't even know what it means to be healthy anymore.